And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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