who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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