definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize