woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
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He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
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He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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