I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize