remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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