So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
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There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
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Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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