but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
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He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
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He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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