I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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