Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize