We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
this beer tastes like vomit already
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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