I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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