that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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