I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
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Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
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I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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