If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize