I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
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Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
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So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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