your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
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I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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