I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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