i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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