so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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