He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize