He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
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She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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