yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
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They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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