the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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