he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize