It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize