filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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