I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
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His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
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I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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