: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize