He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
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but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
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My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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