dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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