I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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