So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize