Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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