Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
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Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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