I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
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I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
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I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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