Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize