Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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