we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
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I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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