just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize