Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
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Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
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Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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