those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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