I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
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