thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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