you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
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If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
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Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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