she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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