the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize