Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Little spoons don't ask big questions
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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