Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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