She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
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She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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